Sunday, October 4, 2009

Just Let Her Be Healthy

When I first saw Molly, I had already knew she had Down Syndrome so, at that exact moment, I did not feel the sadness or disappointment of that child that I didn't get that so many (probably most parents) feel when they first get the "surprise".

After all, I just delivered TWO babies and given a medication that knocked me out. My hemoglobin was in the tank. I felt like crap physically. So I really didn't have it in me to totally absorbed (mentally) what had just happened.

Then, I had to worry about her heart. I knew I had to get her heart checked out. Her Echo was unremarkable; structurally normal with the PDA a "sliver" open. OK.

Now, I have to learn to tandem feed the girls. (side note: Thank God, Molly knew how to eat! Bonus!) I had to coordinate pumping and nursing. Up for one hour, quick one and half hour nap and up again to start the process all over.

I had to bring the girls in every single day for biliruben/jaundice checks as they were on the bili beds for a week or so.

I had to take care of myself. Eat, drink, eat, drink.

There was no time for me to mourn. Really. Honestly.

I do remember when I was taking a bath on day 5 of their life, I broke down. For that 10 minutes. I cried. Because of the hormone's, the overwhelming life that was in front of me, Molly, Maggie, people in my home! But mostly because of her Newborn Metabolic Screen results

The pediatrician called me to tell me that one of the rare disorders came back positive for a protein disorder call 3MCC

This is the first time that I got scared. The first time that I really processed the whole Down Syndrome thing.

I knew, at that moment, that I wasn't afraid of having a child with Down Syndrome. I was afraid of her not being healthy. Sure, I was lucky enough to not have any heart defects but now we were facing having a child with some rare genetic disorder that causes caos in her poor little body.

We had Molly (and myself as I may have given it to her) re-tested. The test proved to be a "false positive". Thank GOD!!

That's all I wanted. For Miss Molly to be healthy!

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